The future still belongs to you
We’ve all heard people talking about their five-year plan – where they want to be and what they hope to achieve. While not everyone has a detailed roadmap for the future, research suggests that having hopes, goals and things to look forward to can support our wellbeing. It gives us a sense of possibility and reminds us that there is life beyond our current circumstances.
I know that when I hear this topic of conversation, I often feel challenged. Sometimes I’m just trying to get through today, or perhaps the rest of the week. Thinking about where I want to be in five years’ time can feel impossible when I don’t even know what next month looks like.
The reality is that when you have experienced abuse, looking ahead isn’t always easy. Significant trauma can leave your brain stuck in survival mode, focused on staying safe and managing immediate challenges rather than planning for the future. Even when the abuse has ended, there can still be ongoing situations to navigate; family court proceedings, divorce, housing issues, financial pressures, co-parenting challenges, or the emotional fallout of what you’ve experienced.
For some, there may also be ongoing threats, harassment, or fears about what comes next. When so much of your energy is spent dealing with the present, imagining a future can feel overwhelming, unrealistic, or simply too far away to think about.
Abuse can make us feel as though our identity has been wrapped up in what we have experienced. We can become consumed by surviving, court cases, by paperwork, by trying to keep our heads above water. It can be helpful to spend some time reflecting on who you are beyond those experiences.
What matters to you? What brings you joy, peace, or a sense of purpose? What strengths have helped you get through difficult times? These questions are not about ignoring the reality of what has happened. Rather, they are an opportunity to reconnect with the parts of yourself that may have been pushed aside while you focused on surviving.
Looking ahead does not have to mean creating a detailed five-year plan. Sometimes it is enough to think about the next step. Perhaps there is a course you would like to take, a hobby you would like to revisit, a place you would like to visit, or a personal goal you would like to work towards. Small hopes and aspirations can be just as important as big dreams.
Recovery is rarely a straight line. There will be days when simply getting through the day is an achievement, and that is okay. Be gentle with yourself if thinking about the future feels difficult. Healing takes time, and there is no right way or right timeline to move forward.
The important thing is to remember that your story does not end with the abuse. You are more than what happened to you. There is still room for growth, new experiences, meaningful relationships, and moments of happiness. Even if the future feels uncertain right now, allowing yourself to imagine the possibility of something better can be a powerful step towards rebuilding hope.
